Sunshine, Energy, Carbohydrates and...Grief

I have two geraniums blooming in my house, sunny reminders that we have crossed the line of winter and are gaining sunlight every day. The sun is shining. I'm feeling good...even if it has yet to crack the 10 degree mark. I feel like going home and hoeing out my house, which is akin to hoeing out my life. I feel recharged and see into the future beyond my daily life. I have the prospect of a trip to Mexico City and Teotihuacan to look forward to in March and that means I want to pull all sorts of shit together.

First off is me, my body, and my physical well-being. My latest blood tests reveal that I have dodged a few bullets but have come close to being diabetic. Seems like my genetic predisposition -- maternal grandma -- and my weight have made me come close to the borderline between yes and no. So my doctor has laid into me and encouraged me to watch those carbs. I didn't think I was such a carb person until I began being aware of them. Hmmph!

Of course, it gives me an opportunity to obsess about something...

My son turned 25 this week. The day was awful for me. I so missed his dad, I so wished we could celebrate as a family. Most days I don't feel his absence but there are moments, occasions, when all I feel is that there is a big black hole there in my life and that it is never, ever, ever going to be filled.

Fortunately, as you can see from the first paragraph, I have swung around to a more optimistic, although perhaps rose-colored-glasses, approach to things. Amen.